I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
