Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
