At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
