you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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