Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
