There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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