I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It's official drugs can't kill me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
