He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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