the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
