DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
