dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
