He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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