Can i not drive my cunt home
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
