her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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