burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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