I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize