I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
