how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize