her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
