Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
barbara walters just said penis...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
