I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry my hands just texted you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Enjoy the penises
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
