Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
