How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
