rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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