Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
