do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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