What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize