I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
