So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
