I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
