Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
