too bad you live with your parents still
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
