i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
