Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
