Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
