well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
