Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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