Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
