hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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