is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
