Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
