after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
