The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
