Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
