Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
