I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
