You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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