I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
