I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
