finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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