i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
