Life is so much better after having sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
