Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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