i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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