just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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