my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
