Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize