ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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