Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
