how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
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