Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
