I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
