just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
