Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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