His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
