you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
