This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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