guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
