He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
