officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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