Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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