took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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