it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
